3:30 am panic attack

Its 3 30 am on Monday morning. I am WIDE awake. I now feel like Jaime with her insomnia.

I originally woke up to turn off Family Guy, since the sleep timer was never turned off and then from there, I don't even know how it happened, but I thought "What if I had twins?"… After that, it was all down hill…

I used to think having twins would be fun and that I could handle it but tonight as I was thinking of it, it hit me like a ton of bricks. What if Matt gets a job where he is deployed for 3 months out of the year? I would be home by myself taking care of 2 babies!?

Would I be able to carry twin's full term? Or would they be preemie? Would I be on bed rest for most of the pregnancy?

Can see it now, they would be so cute, x2…

Then there is the every 2 hour feedings, x2.

By the time I would get done feeding them both, and just get back to sleep, it would be feeding time again! Then, once they are mobile, I can see them teaming up on me. I would be out numbered. What if they were 2 boys? Jumping off furniture and plotting against me? all I can think about is how hard it would be to raise 1 baby and how people manage to raise 2? I guess you just do it.

Another thought, how would Matt and I and 2 babies and 2 dogs fit into out 850 sqft house? This was the 2^nd thing that kept me awake. I need organization. I started thinking of everything that I could throw out and stuff I didn't need. Then I started thinking that I need to get a closet organizer for our spare room, and redo the cabinetry in the laundry room to maximize the storage then I needed to get shelving units for the basement so that when I transfer everything from the house to the basement, it's all organized and it wont look like I have so much stuff, therefore Matt wont yell at me for being a packrat. Because, one day we will live in a bigger home and I will need all this stuff again.

Then, I started getting mad because I couldn't sleep and I have to go to work soon and I don't want to be tired all day and im hungry and I don't want to get up and eat… then matt was snoring and then coughing and then snoring again. So here I am, with some oatmeal, my blog and reruns of Roseanne on Nick at Night.

Maybe I should go to the gym, after am I am awake which is normally half of the battle… hmm